Grieving the Person I Was Before Chronic Illness

  “Click, click” is all I hear while I sit in front of my computer screen biting my lower lip trying my hardest not to cry (telling myself I need to be strong). “Oh no,” I can feel a tear fall down my face; there is the beginning of me grieving the person I used…

What I Need You To Know About Your ‘Good Intentions’

  I hear my cellphone ring on a Friday evening, I look down and I’m hesitant to answer because it’s you. I answer because I care about you and I know you care about me too. “Hey, do you want to meet up tonight for dinner, maybe a drink or something?”, you say. Silence comes…

How Chronic Illness Showed Me My Best Quality: Perseverance

I can say growing up I never really had a ‘niche’. I was always trying new activities and trying to fit in. Since I was a little girl, I felt like I was an outcast or I just wasn’t up to ‘par’ like the other kids. As I continued to grow I ended up finding…

When Lupus Causes You to Feel Internally Torn

As I write this I can feel tears fall down my face and my heart break just a little bit more. I have never felt so torn in my life – physically and mentally. Since my diagnosis I haven’t really come to terms with what I have for many reasons… sometimes my doctor thinks other…

How Lupus Changed Who I Thought I Would Be In My 20’s

Currently, I am 26 years old, going to be 27 in just a few months. Unfortunately, since I can remember, I have never felt completely “normal,” but I can say 16 was probably the best I ever felt. Looking back now 10 years ago, I had a vision of what now might look like. I had this image that…

8 Ways Lupus Has Changed My Behavior

  I always find it funny how quick people are to judge. Recently, I’ve been told by a few people close to me that I’m not as “nice” as I used to be and that I’ve changed. My question to them is, what do you expect when you’re at a constant war with yourself? It’s…