It hurts. It feels as if my heart has been ripped from my chest and stepped on right in front of me. I feel hollow, confused, lost, and devastated. Yet again, it’s another diagnosis. I never knew that it would just keep adding up. That my life would become a game of whack-a-mole. There was…
Tag: spoonie
My Playlist For When Chronic Illness Gets Me Down
Ever since I was a little girl, I always loved music! Whether you could imagine this or not? I was in my middle school band and I could actually play several instruments. I was always so proud that I could read music and follow along. Even at the young of an age I was…
What I’m Thinking About This New Year’s as a Chronic Illness Warrior
Three, two, one… Happy New Year! You look around the room and everyone is smiling, laughing, kissing and blissful. It feels like in that moment the world pauses. Everything comes to a complete stop waiting for the final countdown of the year. One of the few moments in life where time feels still. Some people…
I Am Not The Grinch, But I Do Lack Christmas Cheer – Spoonie Edition
I promise you, I am not the Grinch. Though you might think I am if you see me around Christmas time. I am one of those people, yes, the one who skips through the radio stations so fast, so they don’t accidently land on the Christmas station. I walk into the stores and feel like…
What I Need You To Know About Your ‘Good Intentions’
I hear my cellphone ring on a Friday evening, I look down and I’m hesitant to answer because it’s you. I answer because I care about you and I know you care about me too. “Hey, do you want to meet up tonight for dinner, maybe a drink or something?”, you say. Silence comes…
My Answer To You, When You Ask “Why I Don’t Have Real Kids?”
I can hear the whispers and I can see the laugher. The way you look at me when you pass then look into the stroller I am pushing and you see furry animals instead of a human baby. I feel embarrassed and the look on your face makes me feel like I should be…
How Chronic Illness Showed Me My Best Quality: Perseverance
I can say growing up I never really had a ‘niche’. I was always trying new activities and trying to fit in. Since I was a little girl, I felt like I was an outcast or I just wasn’t up to ‘par’ like the other kids. As I continued to grow I ended up finding…
When Lupus Causes You to Feel Internally Torn
As I write this I can feel tears fall down my face and my heart break just a little bit more. I have never felt so torn in my life – physically and mentally. Since my diagnosis I haven’t really come to terms with what I have for many reasons… sometimes my doctor thinks other…
How I Thought My Diagnosis Would Bring Me Closer to ‘Normalcy’
I remember the day as clear as yesterday. I remember the feeling – lost, hopeless, and petrified. A few moments later my hands became stiff and I could no longer use them. I felt the beating of my heart like it was exploding through my chest. I was sitting at my desk at work when…
One Tough Spoonie 