My Open Letter To Lupus

brown paper envelope on table
Photo by John-Mark Smith on Pexels.com

Dear Lupus,

I am writing to tell you that I want you out of my life! I am sick and tired of you interfering and wreaking havoc in my body. I hate the way you’ve changed my entire life! I hate the way I no longer do many of the things or activities I used to. I would really appreciate if you would stop preventing me from getting out of bed in the morning!

Could you be so kind and stop giving me pain in my joints that makes me feel as if I was 3 times my age? You really piss me off when I actually attempt to do something, and while I finally got brave enough to do it, you come in and hit me like a ton of bricks! At this point, I am completely over the constant fevers.

It breaks my heart when I see my body with more and more rashes. You make me cry when I see all the hair stuck in the shower drain so quickly. You make me feel depressed when I have to say “no” to my husband often because I don’t feel good. I have missed out on so many great things in my life because of you!

You embarrass me because there are times that I cannot hold a conversation or that I have been in car accidents due to the brain fog you give me. You really broke me down when I found that I probably won’t ever be able to have children. I no longer can enjoy the sun or have a drink.

Because of you I can’t stay awake during the day, yet I can’t fall asleep at night! You are making my family and friends think I am lazy, when I am not! I want to be able to walk without any trouble. I would love to spend more time out of my bed than in it!

There is just so much that you are doing wrong and I simply don’t know how much more I can handle. This is a battle that seems it can’t be won. I am trying to so hard to not give in. You are breaking me at my core!

You have become my worst enemy. I am not sure what I did for you to treat me this way…But if I say, “I’m sorry”, will you please just leave me alone already? I know I am strong, but sometimes you make me insecure. Some days you even fool me and let me believe I’m winning. That’s what makes you so cruel.

P.S – I’m not giving up.

Sorry not so sorry,

Bianca Miranda

4 Comments Add yours

  1. I can totally relate to this. Different disease, similar ugliness. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am sorry you go through this too. Sending you good vibes. I really appreciate you taking your time to read my story !

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I did something similar with a letter to chronic illness (asking if it knew that Christmas was coming) last month – sometimes it is so good to vent and actually voice those feelings we keep bottled up. Some days I hate that chronic pain is my bed fellow, other days it is easier to cope – perhaps the hardest thing is not knowing which days will be which. Sending you gentle hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with you in so many ways! It really is. It makes it hard to plan things because you have no idea what your day will be like. Some days I surprise myself, others I feel defeated. So many emotions. Sending you love as well. xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

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