My life is a mess. I literally don’t know if I am coming or going… The problem is I can’t ever think back to a time where my life was anything but a disaster. As I’ve grown up, I truly thought I wasn’t affected by certain things in my childhood. Standing here today, I can tell you I was wrong, extremely wrong.
I am a strong believer that just because you didn’t have a “perfect” life growing up, doesn’t mean that your future can’t be. I don’t believe in blaming anyone else for my failures besides myself. I am an adult and I’m responsible for my own actions and my happiness.
The problem is, the past very much affects you today. Whether it’s made you stronger, wiser, or even messier. No, I don’t blame my parents for my anxiety and depression; but I can say the events in my childhood did bring out some of these issues. I have the choice to be happy, that power is within myself. But in those hard moments in life, it’s not easy to dig that out under all the rubble of my past.
I want with every bit of my body and soul to be strong minded, depression and anxiety free. I worry if I will ever be 100% free of it all. I am working towards this goal every single day of my life. Another valuable lesson I’ve learned is, one of the best investments you can do is – always work on being the best version of yourself; however that might be.
Ever since I was a child, I always felt so much. I always cared too much. Then I began to worry too much. From there I ended up crying too much. Everything simply became too much.
Because of this I see the world much different than most. My past has 110% shaped me into who I am today. Both my anxiety and depression have shaped my character today.
I love with all my heart, I don’t give up on people, I believe in those who don’t believe in themselves, I want to help the world, and I just feel so deeply. I am both sympathetic and empathetic. I see every person important and see their value. I am aware of feelings and seeing beyond what’s on the surface. I see the good, bad, and the ugly. I am way more gentle of a person and understanding of both sides of stories.
My mind is not black and white, it is all the shades and colors in between. Even though my mental health might not be the greatest; I am working on it! But I cannot go without saying I am thankful for person it has shaped me to be. Because without it, I am not sure who I would be today.
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It is great you are self aware and turning you anxiety and depression into a positive thing even if you have worries. I can relate to some of what you say and blog about mental health to. I suffer from anxiety , borderline personality disorder and depression although I do see everything in black and white ! X